Mazes & Mondays: Dwellings in Day & Dark
From Cottages to Sky Palaces: Fantasy Homes and Why Your Players Might Try to Smash Them
There comes a moment in nearly every roleplaying campaign when a player squints at the map, points toward some innocent-looking structure, and asks:
“Can I break through that?”
Not open the door.
Not pick the lock.
Not negotiate with the owner.
No. They want to know if they can put a shoulder through the wall like a charging bull and create their own entrance.
And frankly, I approve.
That sort of thinking has fueled adventure fiction for generations.
The trouble, of course, is answering the question.
Can the barbarian smash through the cottage wall?
Can the giant topple the tower?
Can the dragon collapse the manor?
Can the thief kick open the villa gate?
The Worlds of Pulp™ Structural Integrity rules exist for exactly this reason. Not because we want to turn fantasy gaming into an engineering textbook, but because having a few numbers in your back pocket helps you make fast rulings when things inevitably go sideways.
The statistics below are guidelines, not commandments etched upon stone tablets by forgotten gods.
Use them when they’re useful.
Ignore them when the story demands it.
After all, fantasy is not about what should happen.
It is about what makes the best tale.
The Peasant Cottage
Best Fit: Low Fantasy
If fantasy has a natural habitat, it is probably the humble cottage.
Heroes are born here.
Tax collectors arrive here.
Monsters attack here.
Entire campaigns begin because somebody’s cottage was burned down by something with too many teeth.
A typical cottage consists of a single main room, perhaps a sleeping loft, a small root cellar, and a garden that never seems quite large enough.
Size
400–800 square feet
Cost
400–1,000 Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 40
HTs: 112
Weight: 10 Tons
Can I Break Through It?
Eventually.
A determined warrior with an axe can hack through a wall.
An ogre can likely make a new doorway.
A dragon landing on the roof may solve the matter all at once.
The cottage was built to survive weather, not warfare.
The Longhouse
Best Fit: Sword & Sorcery
Now we come to the sort of structure Robert E. Howard would have appreciated.
The longhouse is not merely a home.
It is a declaration.
A feast hall.
A gathering place.
A monument to warriors who consider doors an optional luxury.
Smoke rises from the central fire while shields hang from the rafters and old grudges linger longer than the smell of roasted boar.
Size
2,000–5,000 square feet
Cost
2,500–8,000 Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 60
HTs: 250
Weight: 35 Tons
Can I Break Through It?
Yes.
The better question is whether you survive the angry warriors waiting on the other side.
The Courtyard Villa
Best Fit: Sword & Sandal
Picture marble columns.
Sun-baked stone.
Bronze statues.
Servants carrying wine while politicians plot one another’s downfall.
That is the villa.
Civilization reaches its height in places like these.
And, naturally, corruption follows close behind.
Size
3,000–10,000 square feet
Cost
8,000–50,000 Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 70
HTs: 220
Weight: 40 Tons
Can I Break Through It?
Not easily.
The walls are usually stronger than the loyalty of the people inside them.
Attack the gate.
Bribe a servant.
Seduce a senator.
History suggests those methods work far better.
The Merchant Townhouse
Best Fit: Urban Fantasy or Low Fantasy
Every city has them.
Narrow buildings that somehow manage to contain a family, a business, three apprentices, a warehouse, and a dozen closely guarded secrets.
Size
1,200–3,000 square feet
Cost
2,000–12,000 Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 50
HTs: 142
Weight: 15 Tons
Can I Break Through It?
Absolutely.
Though if you’re in a city, the larger concern is usually how quickly the guards arrive afterward.
The Wizard’s Tower
Best Fit: High Fantasy
No sane person builds a tower on top of a mountain.
That is why wizards do it.
The tower exists because a spellcaster decided ordinary architecture was insufficiently dramatic.
Inside you may find laboratories, libraries, summoned horrors, and at least one room that makes no spatial sense whatsoever.
Size
1,500–8,000 square feet
Cost
15,000–100,000+ Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 100
HTs: 292
Weight: 80 Tons
Can I Break Through It?
Perhaps.
The real question is what happens when you do.
Most wizard towers become considerably more dangerous after they begin collapsing.
The Burrow
Best Fit: Cozy Fantasy
Never underestimate a burrow.
The small round door and cheerful flower garden create a false sense of confidence.
A burrow may look harmless, but much of it is underground.
That means the earth itself is helping hold the structure together.
Size
600–1,500 square feet
Cost
800–3,000 Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 50
HTs: 142
Weight: 15 Tons
Can I Break Through It?
The door?
Certainly.
The hillside surrounding it?
That is another matter entirely.
The Fortress House
Best Fit: Dark Fantasy
In dark fantasy, people build homes as though monsters might arrive tomorrow.
Because monsters usually do.
These structures resemble miniature castles complete with towers, reinforced gates, thick walls, and defensive positions.
Size
2,000–12,000 square feet
Cost
10,000–60,000 Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 100
HTs: 300
Weight: 80 Tons
Can I Break Through It?
Not with ordinary weapons.
That is the entire point.
If your players can casually destroy fortress walls, the setting should probably start worrying.
The Desert Compound
Best Fit: Sword & Sandal
Across endless deserts stand compounds built to survive heat, drought, and raiders.
Massive walls surround shaded courtyards and hidden wells.
Everything exists to keep life inside and death outside.
Size
3,000–20,000 square feet
Cost
6,000–40,000 Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 80
HTs: 250
Weight: 50 Tons
Can I Break Through It?
You can try.
Most conquerors eventually discover that finding the gate is easier than smashing through the walls.
The Noble Manor
Best Fit: Noble Fantasy
The manor is where wealth becomes architecture.
Every wing was built to impress somebody.
Every portrait conceals a scandal.
Every cellar hides something best left undiscovered.
Size
8,000–40,000 square feet
Cost
25,000–250,000 Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 80
HTs: 300
Weight: 100 Tons
Can I Break Through It?
Of course.
But infiltrating the family is usually far more destructive.
The Sky Palace
Best Fit: Epic Fantasy
Some rulers build castles.
Others decide gravity is merely a suggestion.
The sky palace exists to remind ordinary people exactly how powerful its owner has become.
Size
50,000–500,000+ square feet
Cost
500,000–10,000,000+ Coins
Structural Statistics
AV: 150
HTs: 442
Weight: Thousands of Tons
Can I Break Through It?
No.
At least not in the conventional sense.
Sky palaces are not obstacles.
They are adventures.
If one is destroyed, the campaign has probably reached its climax.
A Final Word on Breaking Things
Whenever you use Structural Integrity in Worlds of Pulp™, remember that the numbers are there to answer a question, not end a conversation.
AV and HTs give you a starting point.
Common sense gives you context.
The story gives you the final answer.
Because the players rarely remember how many Hits a wall possessed.
What they remember is the moment the barbarian burst through it, axe raised high, showering splinters across the hall while everyone at the table cheered.
And that, my friends, is the sort of structural engineering I can wholeheartedly support.
If you would like to revisit past articles, look no further than the Geek Opera Index!
Watch the shadows, my friends. And always check your ale for poison.